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When a young couple leaves the registry office hand in hand, they believe that everything has been decided, and nothing will overshadow their life. Unfortunately, more than 50% of couples return to this institution, but for a different reason. It does not matter on whose initiative people decide to take such a difficult step, it is important that they experience during this period.

Scientists have repeatedly proven that men and women do not find common language only because they have a different perception of what is happening, different thinking, logic and globalization. In short, they are completely different. But life would be uninteresting if everyone thought the same way. Predictability makes relationships lean.

Unlike women, the average man tries to hide his emotions, most often he does not like to discuss personal problems even in a male company, therefore, few people know what happens to him during the divorce process and after it.

How do men survive divorce and do they do it at all

But the stronger sex, in essence, vulnerable people and even the slightest trouble for them can seem like a tragedy. Although sometimes girls wonder if men are going through a divorce at all. Resentment, sadness and even pain are hidden behind a calm appearance. But, before talking about their experiences, it is worth dwelling on the psychological portrait of each. The psyche of men can be divided into four main types (system):

animal structure relies on instincts and reflexes;
the system of biorobots adheres to its habits and automatism;
the demonic order of men listens to their minds;
the psyche of the human system trusts intuition.

All men's experiences depend on what kind of psyche dominates in them. The most difficult thing is for men with an animal type of psyche, since it is difficult for them to resist bed aggression. The fear of losing the usual way of life overshadows the mind, and if a divorce is inevitable, then he cannot do without the help of a psychologist. Otherwise, a sloping line awaits him or worse.

The system of biorobots mindlessly follows the stereotypes, habits and traditions accepted in society. The collapse of marriage for them is practically the end of the world, but they can be controlled bypassing consciousness with the help of support from comrades or weighty arguments from their beloved mother. There are none - TV to help him.

For a man with a dominant demonic system, personal or planned calculations are in the foreground, so they will definitely find their interest in the divorce process, such an event for demons costs little blood. And if there is still no replacement for his wife, then in the near future he will fill this gap.

The human form of the structure of the psyche is quite rare. Men of this type will be ready for it long before the divorce. Not only that, they will manage to prepare a wife as well. Intuitive insights and soul prompts allow a man to make decisions and draw conclusions without anyone's help.

How to survive a divorce from your wife?

Despite the attempts of new-fangled psychology to assert that it is time to break stereotypes, a man can do fine without a wife, and vice versa, human nature does not tolerate loneliness. And no matter how a man claims that he feels great after a divorce, he is tormented by thoughts of family ties. Each man experiences a divorce in his own way, but he did not bring benefits to anyone. Indelible spiritual scars remain, even if a temporary replacement has been found.

It's a paradox, but in most cases, the initiator of a divorce is a man, and a woman is behind the scenes. And they are accused of breaking up more often than women: “I couldn’t save the hearth, I didn’t care properly, I wasn’t smart enough ...”. Emotionally, women lead men through life, but how skillfully, divorce statistics say.

Surviving a divorce, as it turned out, is not easy for a man, but if there is no way back, then you need to learn how to live with it!

Communication

Try not to isolate yourself, chat with friends, attend events. Loneliness is not The best way experiences. Thoughts constantly fill the brain, self-flagellation begins, the search for reasons, and as a result, a showdown or a nervous breakdown. Don't bother, yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. Make yourself a gift to yourself and your friends - go on a trip.

Job

Men know how to fill their free time with work, a business trip can become a distraction. Productivity increases when you put all your emotional disorders during working hours. Stay at work overtime, try to give all your best so that at home you don’t have the strength to think about anything. In addition to the fact that a promotion is possible, such a pace of life is completely distracting.

Support

True friends won't let their friend go through a divorce alone. With them you can watch football and go fishing. And on those days when friends cannot pay attention, parents or close relatives will always come to the rescue.

Remember! Divorce is not the end, but a new round of life, and what it will be depends only on you.

How to help a man get over a divorce

Whatever the stronger sex, but among his brother there are personalities who are extremely hard going through a divorce, fill grief with a green snake, indulge in all serious, and even try to say goodbye to life. Such people need the help of a psychologist, or strong support from relatives and friends. But, keeping company in the absorption of alcohol is not a way out. You need to help a person learn to live a different life. For this, some nuances should be taken into account:

As a rule, after a divorce, family friends are divided into two camps. Some support the husband, others support the wife. So that the conflict does not escalate, it is advisable to deal correctly with friends of the opposite camp. Try not to heat up the situation by pouring mud on your ex-wife. The best option would be to establish friendly relations between the former spouses and her friends for further civilized communication.
It is undesirable to look for a new partner immediately after a divorce, since in the heat of the moment you can once again become a victim, or ruin the life of an innocent woman. It is unlikely that all steps are considered on emotions. Time heals, life makes its own adjustments, it is important not to rush and take what is happening as a lesson for future relationships. Friends are needed in order to patiently listen to all the complaints of the offended spouse, but not to allow manipulations on his part, not to regret, but to try to find a compromise through joint efforts.
Alcohol helps to forget for a while, but sobering up aggravates and exacerbates the pain, which again has to be washed down with alcohol. Accordingly, in addition to serious health problems and aggravation of the situation, alcohol will not bring. Close people should fill the void with a change of scenery or emotional conversations.
Anger, resentment and hatred can become bad helpers. If the divorce took place, then clarifying the relationship in a raised tone will not be able to improve relations, reduce pain, or improve mood. Bouts of negativity can be extinguished by physical labor.

How to survive a divorce for a man if he has a child

The verdict has already been passed, everything has been decided, the couple broke up. Nerves, tears, resentment - everything is insignificant in comparison with the experiences of children. They find it hard to understand why their family collapsed. But this is a separate conversation, but what should a husband who loves his child do? The cunning of women is incomprehensible, and manipulation and blackmail by children are their main weapons. The man has no choice but to go on about, so as not to lose contact with the child.

So here are some practical tips:

If the wife does not allow her husband to see the child, then scandals will not help. This is where a smart tactic is needed. First of all, she needs to give time to cool. Friends or relatives can come to the rescue, who will convince the wife of the need for communication between the father and the child. A sane woman will not deprive a child of a loving father. Well, if everything is more difficult, then it is better to rely on time. Children grow up, and good, warm memories of their father are deposited in their memory. And sooner or later the child himself will find a way to communicate with his father.

How long do men go through a divorce, and is this process difficult for a man?

As mentioned above, men are divided into several types of psychological structure. Each system experiences tragedy differently. Some men can endlessly marry and divorce without suffering much discomfort during divorces. Other men suffer until a comforter is found. And some are much less fortunate, and they can carry their experiences through the rest of their lives.

There are frequent cases of suicide or slow self-flagellation to the point of losing one's mind, and there are also many cases of sudden movement into the abyss of alcohol or drugs. For men of this type, one cannot do without the help of a psychologist.

Pain, both physical and mental, takes time, and no one can determine how much it will take. Much depends on the nature of the man, and on his employment, and on the circumstances associated with the divorce. Therefore, an individual approach is very important.

Self-esteem, a sense of ownership, male pride are hurt, self-esteem is reduced - these are important aspects for a man. Even the most imperturbable and cold-blooded man will not be able to remain indifferent in such a situation. But everyone should understand that it is possible to survive a divorce, this is not a disaster.

Practical advice from our psychologist Natalia Goryunova.

Undoubtedly, it will be easier for a man to survive a divorce if all his free time is filled. Work, hobbies, friends, relatives will help to cope with the current situation. Especially a favorite job.
Forcing the situation is not the best way out of depression. Self-flagellation or the search for the guilty lead men to a dead end or to alcohol. Therefore, a change of scenery, outdoor recreation, loading with work will bring more benefits.
A man needs to come to terms with what happened, take it for granted and irreversible, not only externally, but also internally. This is a fact that makes it possible to try yourself in a different role.

if you have own advice please write them in the comments!

Divorce can be compared without exaggeration to a small personal Apocalypse. The earth is leaving from under your feet, dreams and plans for a joint happy future are burning in a flame, before your eyes the building called “family”, which you have been building for so long and lovingly, turns into a pile of rubble. How to get out of this hell unscathed? How to find the strength in yourself to survive a breakup with your husband, not give up, mired in tears and memories, and again, brick by brick, begin to raise your life from the ruins? Do not give up! You have two strongest allies on your side: Time and yourself.

People meet, people fall in love, get married...

And then they get divorced. Although they swore all their lives to love each other reverently. Although until recently they had everything in common and everything for two. Why?

It's one thing when a woman herself becomes the initiator of a break - fair sex it is common to fight for the family to the last, pulling out the most hopeless relationships, and if the “keeper of the hearth” has already filed for divorce, then the couple has really serious problems.

It is not so difficult to survive a breakup, the idea of which the spouses come together. It happens: people converge on the basis of passion or because of their youth, eventually they realize that they have nothing in common, and the marriage itself creeps with a creak and crash to the quite expected ending. It's annoying, annoying, but mostly not that painful.

According to statistics, half of weddings these days end in divorce.

It is quite different when the idea to run away comes from a beloved husband. Such news falls on the head like a bucket cold water, even if until now everything has not been smooth between the spouses, and consciousness is drowning under a barrage of desperate questions. Why? What is my fault? What did she do wrong? “Getting fired” for a woman who put her soul into a relationship is extremely difficult. This undermines self-confidence, makes you doubt your worth as a wife and mistress of the house, casts a shadow on the future.

It is even harder if the spouse does not just go to all four sides, but goes to a specific woman. It's doubly painful. Because it's a betrayal. There is no such person who would manage not to raise an eyebrow, having received a knife in the back. Because in an instant your world is collapsing. And because it is impossible to avoid comparison with a homeowner, which, of course, will not be in your favor. Even if you have three higher education and the title of "Miss World", the idea that the other one turned out to be more desirable for her beloved has a devastating effect on women's self-esteem.

So how do you get over a breakup? You can rely on time, which, as you know, heals any wounds. But it is too sluggish physician! So do not expect favors from nature: gather your courage and, like the legendary Baron Munchausen, pull yourself out of the swamp of depression by a scythe. It is difficult, long, painful at times, but no one but you will do it.

Time spent on longing and tears can be used with much greater benefit!

It is impossible to divorce correctly and painlessly in one day. This process, if the woman herself did not initiate the break, is long-lasting. But the experience of all psychologists in the world is at your service.

Step One: Forgive and Let Go

Bitterness, resentment, even a thirst for revenge are natural feelings for a divorced woman. I want to curse my ex-husband, myself, my rival, if there is one, tear and throw with anger ... Stop! Negative thoughts, like weights suspended from your feet, will quickly drag you into the very abyss of despondency. All they can do is destruction, and you have a long creative and amazingly exciting job ahead of you: to rebuild your life. So forgive me.

Former husband. For quarrels, rude words, inattention, sleepless nights, treason. For choosing to go your own way. For not being able to become your soul mate, not appreciating it, not making enough effort to save the marriage. If you can’t let go of your resentment, try your ex-wife ... regret it. Think about it: after all, he will no longer have a chance to see how wonderful your life together could be. Have pity on the poor fellow, forgive and let go.
Myself. Many women tend to put all the blame for what happened on their fragile shoulders: it was she who was not affectionate and homely enough, made harsh remarks to her husband, allowed herself from time to time to feed the breadwinner and protector not with pies of her own baking, but shop dumplings! Nothing like this. There is no such person who, alone, without the active support of his spouse, ruined a strong marriage. The blame is always on two. Therefore, analyze your mistakes, make a note for the future so as not to repeat them again, and then forgive yourself. Completely.
Happy companion. Did your marriage collapse because of her, or did your husband get a new girlfriend a long time later, in this case doesn't matter. You don’t need to love this woman, but you don’t need to think about her regularly, tell everyone you meet about the villain who encroached on someone else’s, and run around psychics with a request to damage the lover snake. It is you who will suffer the most in this situation: the rival has been establishing her personal life for a long time, and you are wasting your days.

The aerobatics of forgiveness is to see the former with a new passion and mentally wish them happiness

Step two: go public

Close the house, lock the door with all the locks, turn off the phones and, sitting on the windowsill, hugging the photo of the ex-spouse, cry for a long, long time ...

Wrong scenario! With it, you run the risk of stretching the stage of getting used to a new status to infinity. If you need to cry, do it. But not alone. Go to your mother, sister, best friend - any person next to whom you can, without embarrassment, give vent to feelings. Weep out loud on a friendly shoulder, express all your claims to fate, jointly cut into small ribbons the old suit of the former, forgotten in your closet. Also a good way to throw out negative emotions! Some psychologists suggest for this purpose to arm yourself with an old hockey stick or a bat and, somewhere in a wasteland, smash the service that was presented to you for your wedding to smithereens. Or a radio receiver miraculously lying around in the pantry. Or another unnecessary thing, which can be broken with a roar, ringing and pleasure.

Give yourself 2-3 days to moaning and fits of rage, and then "come out of the dusk." Visit relatives, go on a visit, visit theaters, museums and exhibitions. Sign up for cooking courses or in a Japanese language study group. Get out to the festival of Antonov apples, Suzdal cucumber, Vologda lace… Any idea is good if it takes you away from an empty apartment.

By the way, about the status. Who do you think you are now? A divorced aunt with eternally bent shoulders, a tear-stained face and resentment for the whole world in her soul? Or maybe a Free woman with a light gait and a radiant look, aimed only at the best?

Step three: make room for the new

A dried rose from a first date, a wire heart won in some stupid Valentine's Day lottery and other more romantic trifles that 9 out of 10 women keep, you absolutely do not need. Each glance at them will irritate the soul and return you to the past. Walk around the apartment with a large box and collect in it everything that reminds you of your husband. The ex-spouse's favorite mug, a photo frame bought together, a pillow with a print in the form of his smiling face, worn slippers, a bathrobe ...

By updating the space around you, you will update yourself

The most creative young ladies in such circumstances start a rearrangement so that the transformed apartment is as little as possible reminiscent of the former life. And the most resolute go headlong into repairs. Wouldn't you like to change your boring wallpaper for something fresher and more modern? Shouldn't you match the curtains to them? Do not drag upholstered furniture, on which the faithful hung for hours in front of the TV? The more changes, the better.

Connoisseurs of subtle matters say: by getting rid of old rubbish, you make room in your life for the new and beautiful. Do everything so that the shadow of a man who no longer plays a role in your life does not overshadow your present and does not scare away your future.

Step four: find something to do

Repair is good not only as a means to change the situation, but also as a reason to occupy your head with something other than worries. And since you are now a free lady, it makes sense not to limit yourself to putting things in order in the apartment, but to find yourself two or three more exciting activities. Beloved husband complained about the smell of paint, and you abandoned your adored drawing? Remove the easel, brushes from the closet, and go to nature to write a masterpiece. Have you been thinking about trying rock climbing for a long time, but could not find time between washing, cooking and cleaning? Buy a tracksuit and get to work! Did your spouse's allergies prevent you from having a pet? Do it now. Another devoted friend at your side and the need to take care of someone will not hurt you now. Just do not forget that an animal is a big responsibility and you can take a charming fluffy into the house only after thinking it over well.

An indispensable condition: your new hobbies must be pleasant to you. Of course, you can load yourself with work so that you only have enough strength to drag yourself to bed in the evening and collapse into it. But then in a couple of months you will have to be treated for a breakdown and nervous exhaustion. Do you feel like you have lost your taste for everything in the world? Take a vacation and travel. New places and new people are the surest way to unwind. No wonder they say that there are two ways out of depression: the train station and the airport.

There is simply no time to indulge in sad thoughts along the way.

Step Five: Boost Your Self-Esteem

Few events can so undermine women's self-esteem as a divorce. Urgently take measures not to acquire complexes! Fortunately, now you can cut through the apartment in anti-cellulite pants and a mask of cucumbers, without fear of catching the eyes of your spouse! Take a look at the hairdresser and solarium, refresh the contents of your makeup bag, go shopping for clothes. Do not forget about the gym, where it is so convenient to polish minor imperfections of the figure. Well, for those who are limited in funds, there is always a city park and jogging tracks, where it doesn’t cost anything to meet another handsome sports fan.

In no case do not give up on yourself: flirt, flirt, accept compliments. You can even start a small but passionate romance if your soul demands it, and not the desire to annoy your ex-husband.

Aggravating circumstances

Recovering from a divorce is easier when you are young, have not had time to have children, and can plan your life as you wish. Go in for sports, run around beauty salons, travel, make new friends, fall in love - what is not a dream? But in reality, divorced spouses often have a trail of problems that cannot be solved so easily.

What if…

... you love your husband very much

When a loved one leaves us, the world loses all its colors and colors. No hobbies, no friends, no desire to live; I want only one thing - to cover myself with a blanket and never get up again.

Try the old tried and true method: write down your experiences on a piece of paper. Do not choose words, do not try to build a narration logically, just throw out the bitterness, resentment and fear that have accumulated in it from the soul. Write as long as you feel the need, then crumple up all the sheets and burn them. You can even turn it into some kind of liberation rite by scattering the ashes to the wind.
Find someone worse off than you and help them. Boarding schools for orphans, nursing homes, animal shelters - there are plenty of places in the world where you can show your kindness. So you will keep yourself busy not just interesting, but bringing real benefit work, the results of which you will see immediately. This is very motivating not to quit what you started, it allows you to feel your importance, and at the same time make sure that your problems are not so terrible compared to the problems of others.
Do not rush to start a new romance on the principle of "The wedge is knocked out with a wedge" or "He will understand what treasure he has lost and will return." First, it will not help you build a relationship with your spouse. Secondly, a hasty connection with a person unnecessary and uninteresting to you is guaranteed to end in another break, inflicting new emotional wounds on top of the existing ones.

It will be a long time before your spiritual wounds heal.

... You divorced because of infidelity or betrayal

Once having experienced betrayal, it is difficult to learn to trust people again. But the attitude “all men are like that” can greatly spoil life, unless, in the heat of resentment, you are going to go to a monastery or join a camp of gay ladies. Tastes have remained the same and there is no desire to move away from the world? Then get down to business.

First of all, give yourself time. Accept it as a fact that such pain does not go away quickly; it takes several weeks, or even months, for the memories of betrayal to fade and stop causing you mental anguish.
It is especially important for you to forgive your spouse, otherwise you will automatically transfer your resentment and bitterness to any man who has shown interest in you.
Learn to judge potential fans by their actions, not your expectations. By carefully looking at the behavior of a man, you can always understand whether he respects you, whether he sincerely tries to make your life more pleasant, or considers your communication as an accidental affair.
Consider the mistakes made in the first marriage. Sometimes the fair sex does a lot to make the faithful stumble. Haven't you turned for your husband into an eternally dissatisfied bitch with a hundred venomous remarks on your tongue? Were the spouses so jealous that the sky became hot? Have you given up on your appearance?
Improve yourself. Read, communicate, develop. The more interesting your companion will be next to you, the lower the chances that one day he will be drawn to sexual exploits on the side.

…Do you have children

Whatever your relationship with your spouse, the child must be firmly aware that he is still loved by both parents, and dad has not disappeared from his life forever.

Do not use babies as a means of blackmail to return your husband to the family. No one has yet been able to raise a happy child in a home where father and mother barely tolerate each other.
No matter how much you want to take revenge on the former, do not turn the children against the father and do not prevent their meetings. You don’t think that a few unpleasant emotions delivered to the ex-spouse are worth it to cripple the psyche of your child?
Find the strength in yourself to talk with the child and explain to him as correctly as possible why the parents can no longer live together. Without reproaches towards her husband, accusations and revelations. It happens that adults sometimes disagree. Nobody is to blame for this. Both me and dad love you very much. All.

Do everything so that your children do not suffer because of your separation.

... Ex-husband is an alcoholic

If the reason for the breakup was the drunkenness of a man, do not for a moment doubt that you did the right thing. With the phrases “Without me, he will be lost”, “I could help him stop drinking”, “It’s all vodka, he’s not like that” the road to family hell is paved. Believe me, not a single woman has ever pulled her husband out of the alcohol pit, who himself did not actively try to get out of there. Let the ex scream that you betrayed him, let them swear that they will tie no later than Monday, let them tear the vest on their chest. No one - neither moral laws nor conscience itself - obliges you to devote your life to serving a drunkard.

... The man hits

Run. You can only lower the first blow inflicted in passion, and then on condition that the spouse repented, asked for forgiveness and tried to make amends. After the second hit, you must leave immediately. Take the children and run away, it will only get worse.

If you left the aggressor with many years of experience, it would be useful to completely disappear from his horizon so that the bully, who has lost his usual victim, does not go to you to “restore justice”. Buy a ticket to the sea, go to another city for a while, change your apartment. Let your place of residence remain a secret for the imminent reprisal of the former spouse.

... the decision to divorce was made during pregnancy

According to the laws of our country, a husband does not have the right to leave his pregnant wife until the child is one year old. True, for a wife who herself expresses an ardent desire to run away, they will make an exception, so the decision to divorce is up to you. However, this should not be done for several reasons.

You are pregnant, which means you are subject to sudden mood swings that will not allow you to soberly assess the situation.
A child becomes a serious test of strength for any couple. This year is given for reflection not by chance - wait, see what happens. Perhaps both of you will still cope with difficulties and will get out of a difficult period with honor.
If you decide to divorce, be sure to enter the father on the birth certificate. And file for child support.

Most importantly, do not make hasty decisions!

... This is not your first marriage

When the first, and the second, and the third attempt to build a family goes to waste, not for long and give up. Here you have two options:

recognize yourself as a self-sufficient woman who does not need a permanent partner in principle - she is better, calmer and more pleasant alone;
understand that you have problems and contact a specialist. A professional psychologist will analyze your behavior by bones, help you look at yourself from the outside and identify those mistakes that prevent you from achieving a family idyll over and over again. Most importantly, do not give up and do not record yourself as a loser.

… you are over 40

For some women, the number "40" serves as a kind of milestone, after which it is too late to hope for something. That's right, you are no longer as fresh as before, not as carefree, and the list of places where you could meet a representative of the opposite sex is reduced after 40. But experience is on your side, you are no longer so categorical in your judgments, as it happens in your youth, and you know how to find compromises. Surely you good hostess and an interesting conversationalist. In a word, you have everything to interest a man, especially since your peers often already stop chasing purely external data and choose a girlfriend not by the date written in the passport, but by how good and comfortable they are with this woman.

Throwing a cosmetic bag, a subscription to a fitness club and certificates to a beauty salon out the window with a cry of “Who needs all this now!” early. You can look well-groomed and fit at 40 or 50, but now you will need more time for it. Work on yourself!
Realize that the “terrible” figure is not yet a sentence, only despair and wrong behavior can become a sentence. Download all seasons of Sex and the City and see how four far from young ladies are looking for their love, regardless of time and circumstances. And at the same time, mentally sort out your relatives and acquaintances - for sure there will be one or two women among them who met their happiness when they were already aged.
Do not wait for the prince on a white horse to ride under your windows. Look for it yourself, but do not make this search the meaning of your existence. Live, enjoy every day, enjoy the opportunities that the status of a free woman has opened for you, and firmly believe that your new and true love will definitely come to you.

You can find your happiness at any age

... You are not adapted to life

There is nothing wrong with a woman choosing the path of a housewife. Especially if the beloved with both hands is “for” and gladly takes on the role of the earner, while his lady of the heart begins to build a family nest. However, after a divorce, such a wife finds herself in an extremely disadvantageous position. She has no source of income. Often lacks work experience. And especially gentle representatives of the fair sex are at a standstill even in front of such a trifle as paying utility bills - after all, before that, the husband did all this! It is not surprising that divorce becomes a real disaster for them.

Consider what happened to you as a chance given by fate to show your best qualities. Do you seriously think that you will not survive without the protection of your spouse? This is wrong. Many women have been in your shoes and found out with surprise that they are capable of much more than they thought.

For a week or two, ask to visit friends or visit your parents - loved ones will help you survive the first, most difficult period after a divorce.
Raise old connections to find a job within your power. Let it be not too prestigious and promising for now, the main thing for you is to start. If your financial situation allows, go to advanced training courses, master a computer, improve your knowledge of the language. This will increase your value in the job market, leave no time for soul-searching and worries about a vague future, and expand your social circle.
Constantly set yourself small everyday tasks that your husband was in charge of solving: call a plumber to a leaking faucet and make sure that he really comes; deal with an incomprehensible bill for light; to persuade the seller in the market to drop the price of a piece of beef that you like ... Not everything will turn out right away, but the first victories will inspire you. And there, you see, it turns out that you are able to be an independent, confident, self-supporting woman!

Who knows what peaks you can conquer?!

How to get a divorce and not go crazy: reviews of women

I'm currently going through a divorce, but to my surprise, I feel pretty good. But it’s easier for me - I no longer love this person and have already decided everything for myself a long time ago. At first, of course, there was depression, but I set priorities for myself - I need health to raise my daughter, and therefore I won’t worry anymore (after all, all diseases are from nerves). I give all of myself to the child, work and parents, there is no time to miss the past.

Verik
https://www.u-mama.ru/forum/family/independent-mom/458129/index.html

People get divorced not because of a good life, but in order to improve it. And if you have a place to live, have a child - this is already a reason not to hang your nose. Post-divorce is great! Feel free, live for yourself, arrange gatherings with your girlfriends, take a walk with your child for the weekend, work and work at work to forget. Lost weight, probably from experiences - again, a plus.

Guest

Don't worry, everything will be fine. I've been separated from my husband for almost a year now. To say it was hell is an understatement. Without housing and money (even there was no bread). Survived, forgiven, calmed down. The sky is full of worthy fans, new friends have appeared, old ones have dropped out. Life is slowly getting better. The sooner you let go of the pain and the past, the sooner a new life will begin.

Chantal
http://www.woman.ru/relations/marriage/thread/4362504/

She left at the 5th month, pregnant with twins .. And forever! And you know, it's been 2.5 years.... And I have no regrets! Shake it up! Count again all the pros and cons of your new position. But don't get depressed, it won't do you any good! Remember, closing one door, we open another!

Adeline
http://www.divomix.com/forum/kak-perezhit-razvod-s-muzhem/

I suffered very hard. I went through the same horror, fear of loneliness, remorse in front of a child. It seemed that all good things had come to an end. Now I think with horror that I could have given up before all this, retreated, not divorced, endured and lived life with that husband. And no matter how miserable, flawed, thrown down the drain, my life would have turned out. And I would not have a wedding with a wedding dress and a loved one, understanding and appreciating. You will have everything, believe me. And happiness, and love, and a family with a loved one. Just be patient now, like in the dentist's office.

https://psycheforum.ru/topic73864.html

Video from Irina Khakamada: Husband left. What to do?

Remember the wise saying: "Everything that is done is for the best"? Try applying it to your divorce. If a man left your life, he probably was not the person with whom you could live soul to soul until old age. But somewhere in this world another is walking - someone who is able to understand your needs, share your desires and make you the happiest woman on earth. Do not think that after a divorce, life ends. It is often just the beginning.

By getting married, people hope for a happy family life. They plan to live together for a long time and happy life. Few people can imagine that they are in for a painful divorce and a broken heart. At the beginning of family life, almost no one thinks about this. However, the harsh reality leads to the fact that most of the couple divorces a few years after marriage.

Parting with a loved one is a very difficult process. It leaves painful scars on the heart, brings pain, sadness and a feeling of emptiness. Negative emotions overcome a person, and deprive him of the ability to perceive the world. Life seems meaningless, self-esteem drops and depression sets in. This condition can lead to fatal consequences. It is necessary to look for a way out of this situation and try to improve your life.

How to get rid of stress?

Not every person can survive such a difficult ordeal as a divorce. The current situation seems hopeless. It's hard to imagine, but you have to reassemble the broken pieces and try to start everything from scratch. What to do in such a situation? How to save yourself from constant worries and protect yourself from stress?

First of all, it is worth remembering that parting with your soulmate saved you from negative emotions. This part of your life is over. The loss of a loved one always leads to inevitable stressful experiences. But try to think, were you that happy?

Perhaps divorce is your only chance to find long-awaited happiness. Breakups can have different reasons, but they all inevitably lead to stress. It is important to remember that you can no longer turn back time. Try to let go of the past, you will feel a welcome relief. But do not think that this is where your experiences will end.

Tears, tantrums and depression are the eternal companions of parting. Just think, you parted with a very important and significant part of your life. It's not easy to go through this. You don't have to keep everything to yourself. Give vent to emotions and allow yourself to "suffer" for a few days.

Getting rid of anxiety is almost impossible. You will plunge into painful memories, remember happy moments, perhaps every thing reminds you of a failed soulmate. Resentment and feelings of worthlessness will cause you great pain.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to get rid of this. You can start all over again, change your hairstyle, place of residence, but the psychological state will be very shaky for a long time to come. You will not be able to fall asleep with pain and wake up the next morning a completely different person. The pain will go away gradually. Remember, the time will come when you will forget about your pain. You will feel better. The main thing is not to drown in your grief, but to find ways to deal with it.

Try to think

What causes you such pain? Did you love this person? Or maybe low self-esteem speaks in you? The only way to reduce pain is to understand the cause of your feelings. If you can answer this question to yourself honestly and frankly, you will immediately feel the long-awaited relief.

Don't think about your pain. Try to see and get rid of the obsessive feeling forever. Try writing about your pain on a piece of paper. Psychologists believe that this method helps to cope with unpleasant thoughts. So, take a piece of paper and try to think what is the cause of your suffering. If you find it difficult to single out one reason, you can write several. In world practice, the following most common reasons are distinguished:

I still have feelings for her/him – if you are still in love with your ex, it will not be easy to get rid of the feelings. But by admitting this to yourself, you will be better able to deal with such a scourge.
I am afraid of loneliness - this is the most frequent and widespread fear of a person. Often tears fear of being alone is the cause of stress and tears. In reality, a person does not suffer from a former partner, but is afraid that he will never be able to start a new relationship and will be left alone.
I do not want to give him/her away to anyone - the feeling of ownership also does not allow me to calmly let go of the former partner. A person feels humiliated, jealousy and low self-esteem speak in him. He wants to return a partner not because of great feelings, but only to satisfy a sense of ownership.
I am afraid for my children - women are more often subject to such fear. Being unhappy in marriage, they continue to live and endure insults, only to ensure a happy future for their children. It is important to understand that babies will not benefit from a tense home environment. This will only spoil their psyche and leave trauma for the rest of their lives.
I do not know what to do next - of course, a person is overcome by fear. He or she does not know how to build a future life. In this situation, do not panic. Fear of the unknown often keeps people from moving forward. It is important to get rid of it, and believe in your own strength.
I can't forget his/her betrayal - of course, it's hard to come to terms with the betrayal of the second half. If the relationship ended not at your request, but at the initiative of the wrong partner, it will not be easy to cope with this grief. You should be glad that you are done with this deception for good, and try to start all over again.

The main thing is to be honest with yourself. Don't stand the truth, talk about your true experiences. Feel free to admit to yourself the fear of loneliness or unwillingness to change your life. By painting the true picture for yourself, you will find a way to deal with the situation and start over.

By making a list of your experiences, you will be able to reasonably assess the situation. Remember, it will be hard for you only at first. The long-awaited relief will not be long in coming, especially if you are honest with yourself.

First stage

Dealing with a separation from your spouse is very difficult. It becomes especially difficult in the first weeks after parting. The problem lies not only in experiences, but in financial matters. It is necessary to decide on the housing issue, which is also a very difficult task. Psychologists strongly recommend moving apart, and not living in different rooms, like neighbors. This will only add to negative experiences and cause constant stress.

It is much harder for women, because in most cases they stay with children, and are forced to deal with financial issues on their own. It is necessary to limit relations with the former spouse and seek help from relatives. It is important to remember that it is necessary to avoid quarrels and conflicts with the former spouse. This will only make your situation worse.

Get rid of the source of pain

Try to get rid of things that remind you of your ex. Even if they are very dear to your heart and many happy memories are associated with them. This includes all gifts, things, joint photos and other items. It is recommended to collect them in a remote place in order to rid yourself of unpleasant memories forever.

You don't have to throw things away. It is enough just to collect them in a box and hide them where you will never look. One day you will realize that you no longer feel the same awe of them. Along with this, your pain will also disappear. Life will no longer seem meaningless.

Protect yourself from bad thoughts

Try to relax. Evil thoughts will not bring you anything good. You need to start everything from scratch. Try to completely change your life. Go for walks, meet friends, make new acquaintances. Do what you have always wanted to do.

Find a hobby, it should be something that you are really interested in. Try to keep yourself busy with something interesting. You can spend time alone with yourself, watching an interesting movie or go to visit relatives. Try to think only positive things. It's time to put an end to negativity forever.

Make contact with children

Divorce is bad for children. Remember, their future depends on your actions. The separation of parents can seriously affect the psyche of children. In no case do not transfer the hated attitude towards the former spouse to the children. This is the most common and fatal mistake most parents make. Do not discuss your problems, do not tell your child bad things about bad parents and do not devote him to heart matters.

Try to explain the situation to your child. Tell him that dad and mom are no longer living, but this does not change your attitude towards him. Surround your child with love and care, do not leave him alone. The relationship of parents should not affect the life of their child.

Opinion from outside

Remember, divorce will inevitably lead to questions. People around you will feel sorry for you, ask leading questions and interfere in other people's business. Work colleagues, friends and relatives will try to give you their advice, not always realizing that you do not need it. In this case, the main thing is to react calmly and not show aggression. Otherwise, there will be more and more questions, and others will decide that you are suffering. You should not pour out your soul to a stranger and tell him about mental illnesses.

The best option would be to come up with several ready-made answers. Answer clearly and calmly, do not dedicate strangers to your problems. Limit yourself to short phrases and try to show that you do not intend to discuss this topic. People around you will quickly realize that they will not get anything interesting from you.

As for relatives, here you can be a little more frank. Again, you don't have to let others know about your problems. But those close to you are most likely very worried about you and want to help. Tell them true reason parting and ask you not to return to this topic.

Change style

Women and men are recommended to radically change their style. A new look will be the beginning of another life. Women can change their hair color or hairstyle, radically change their wardrobe and sign up for some courses. After a divorce, you will have a lot of free time. You can dedicate it to yourself and protect yourself from bad thoughts. By changing the appearance, you can change the perception of the world.

The main thing to remember is that you can change style and place of residence, but you will never be able to start a new life if you do not let go of your ex. This is sometimes very difficult to do. You are overcome by resentment and a desire to express everything that has accumulated inside. In the event that the former partner does not suffer, but builds his life, it becomes even harder.

How to deal with such a problem? Psychologists advise you to remember that your life did not end with a divorce. You have a chance to rethink everything, and achieve the best. Use divorce as a chance to change everything. Most likely, you will become even happier than you were in marriage.

Try not to get angry - the former partner caused you a lot of harm. You gave him your youth, tried to strengthen relations and received black ingratitude in return. Forgiveness is not easy. Resentment and the desire to take revenge do not allow you to live in peace. But it is important to remember that being in constant negativity will not make you happy. Stop being angry at your ex, and you yourself will not notice how you forget about your pain. It will be replaced by positive moments, completely crowding out the negative.
Don't feel guilty - it doesn't make sense anymore. Try to think that it will be better for both of you. Leave what happened in the past. You may have made many mistakes that led to a similar result. However, this is not a reason to suffer remorse.
Forgive betrayal - the hardest thing is to forgive betrayal. A person cannot forget such a betrayal and feels humiliated. Surviving betrayal is not easy, but by starting to take care of your own life, you will gradually cope with unpleasant thoughts. The pain will completely disappear after you have new interests and relationships.

The main thing is not to go in cycles in bad thoughts. Only in this way can you survive the painful period.

A loved one left you, you got divorced. Surviving a divorce from your husband is very difficult, it is not just parting with the person to whom you experienced a feeling of love. Divorce destroys all plans, deprives self-confidence, as well as the ability to trust, because often its cause is betrayal, betrayal. A woman faces a lot of questions, in particular, to agree to a divorce or to make every effort and save the family? Especially when there are children, how in this case not to injure them and bring up harmonious personalities from them. How to cope with the consequences of a divorce, improve your life and set yourself up for a new relationship?

For many women, the breakup of a family is a serious psychological stress, which not everyone can survive. Often, after a divorce, a woman falls into a deep depression, which is very difficult to get out of, sometimes it takes a lot of time and the help of a professional psychologist. If a woman (children) remains in the care of a woman and at the same time she is engaged in professional activities, it is simply impossible to ignore the state of stress in which she is. It is necessary to immediately solve the problem, otherwise it threatens the development of serious consequences. Therefore, during this period of life, it is advisable to seek the help of a psychologist who will help restore spiritual harmony and normalize personal life.

It just seems that the question of how to survive a divorce from a husband is an insoluble problem. In reality, every woman can cope with this, you just need to gather your strength, want happiness and clearly achieve this, not for a moment despairing and not succumbing to weakness.

We get rid of negative emotions.
At the very beginning, it is important to get rid of all the negativity that has accumulated inside you. No need to hide your emotions, experience pain, resentment and disappointment within yourself. This will only lead to a worsening of your condition and to the fact that you become isolated in yourself, as a result there will be an unpleasant feeling of uselessness, which can ruin you quite a lot. future life. Therefore, do not accumulate emotions and experiences, but splash them out as they arise: cry everything out, scream, beat the dishes, but best of all at home, and not in public places, alone, in the absence of children (if any), because they are also not easy. As a "vest" you can use a very close friend.

In order not to withdraw into yourself, communicate more with your loved ones, relatives and friends, they will help you overcome difficulties. Do not be afraid to seem intrusive, sharing your experiences with them, they will definitely understand you and support you, perhaps they will give you good advice.

It is very important to keep yourself busy on the way to overcoming depression after a divorce. It can be a long-forgotten hobby, a new hobby, walking with children (if any), going to the theater, cinema, exhibitions, discos, bowling, dancing, aerobics, swimming in the pool, meeting friends, meeting new people, etc. In a word, try not to be sad and have fun, fill your life with bright events that will distract you from gloomy thoughts about your husband. In addition to having fun, you need to increase your physical activity. Enter morning exercises into your daily routine, which will charge you with vigor and good mood all day. During the day you can go to the gym.

I note that if you have children, never speak badly about your husband in their presence. After all, in any case, he remains their father, it is very important that good relations be maintained between them. There is no need to prevent their communication or set them against it. At the same time, after a divorce, you do not need to devote your life to children. In the future, you will reproach them for their own personal life that did not take place.

If all of the above does not help, depression does not want to go away, then you should change the situation. If you are working, take a vacation and go on holiday. Children can be left to their mother or other close relatives. New experiences, different surroundings, and other worries will help bring you to your senses. You can go alone, or you can invite friends to keep you company.

Don't dream of revenge.
After the collapse of relations with her husband, I really want to take revenge, somehow annoy him, say a bunch of bad things about him, disgrace him in the eyes of friends. Often this happens reflexively and unconsciously, but in any case, you should not stoop to the level of gossip about your ex-husband. Speaking about the shortcomings of your ex-husband, you, thereby, expose yourself far from the best side, as a result, you are more likely to lose your reputation than he is. Plus, you will add to yourself these experiences and extra hassle, which will only further aggravate your already unimportant condition. In addition, you must agree, because once your relationship with your husband was not so terrible, once in your life with him there were pleasant moments, of which there were quite a few. You just need to remember them and mentally thank your ex-spouse for the happy moments delivered. And then take and just let him go, forgetting all the insults and wishing him well and happiness. Only after getting rid of thoughts about him will you feel real relief.

If there are children who are trying in every possible way to reconcile you with your husband, then they should thoughtfully and calmly explain that this makes no sense, because what was already impossible to return. If you do not get rid of the accumulated resentment and anger in time, they can lead to the development of quite serious problems with the heart and gastrointestinal tract, because they are the ones who suffer from constant stress in the first place. Just forgive the once loved one, leaving only positive memories of him in your memory.

Try to understand the reasons for divorce, which can be a lot. Once you understand your mistakes, next time you will not repeat them again. Having identified the reasons for failures in family life, you will be ready for new relationships and acquaintances.

Are looking for own way finding peace of mind.
The state after a divorce resembles an illness, only a mental illness. For its treatment, you can use the following methods:

Try to read esoteric literature (for example, books by authors: Louise Hay, Sergey Lazarev).
Try to think exclusively in a positive way, every day you have an impact on your own subconscious mind, setting yourself up for a brighter future. This can be done with the help of certain mantras, which should be pronounced while standing in front of a mirror.
Listen to music if you wish at maximum volume, you can dance and sing to the beat.
Pamper yourself more often delicious meals(but do not get carried away, otherwise it will affect the figure) and watch your favorite comedies, but not romantic ones.

Do not rush to look for a replacement ex-husband.
You don’t need to rush in search of a young man immediately after a divorce, thinking that a new relationship will help you say goodbye to thoughts about your ex-spouse. This judgment is erroneous. You will begin to think even more about your ex-spouse, constantly comparing your current relationship with the previous one, which will negatively affect the relationship of the present. Short-term novels and light intrigues will not do you good, it takes time to restore peace of mind. Only then can you think about a new relationship.

material difficulties.
It is worth noting that if a woman, being married, was completely dependent on her husband, then after her divorce emotional condition aggravated by material problems that inevitably arise, especially if there are children. It is good if there are parents and a relative who will provide support. And if not? In this situation, you will have to rely only on yourself. There is no time to loosen up. You need to find a job, if necessary, you can even go to retraining courses. You can ask for help from acquaintances and friends, maybe one of them will help with the work.

By the way, this position has many advantages. A woman can rethink some views on many things, realize her real needs and desires. It should be noted that according to statistics, it was after a divorce that women most often achieved success. The presence of children and the need to provide for them and oneself reveals a lot of hitherto hidden talents and opportunities in a woman. Once in a difficult situation, women are forced to show extraordinary perseverance and energy, which in the future will lead them to the top of their careers. By the way, in most cases, women are later grateful to their ex-husbands for divorce, because it was he who made it possible to devote himself completely to his career and achieve success.

New life. We think positively.
A woman, after a divorce from her husband, seems to be taking the ground from under her feet, she loses the meaning of her existence. It is important at this moment to rid yourself of emotional attachment to your ex-husband, because you definitely have no love left. If you realize that each of you now has your own path and accept this by letting go of your partner, it will become much easier for you. And then you need to try to imagine the future as you would like to see it and believe in it. After all, now it does not depend on the former spouse. Imagine your future chosen one, how he should be. It's no secret that thoughts are material. Our thoughts and ideas completely create our future. Negative emotions, constant depression in which a person is, provoke the development of negative events, which further lead to depression. A vicious circle is being taught, getting out of which is becoming increasingly difficult. Therefore, watch your own thoughts, think less about divorce and how to survive it, and more and more imagine a wonderful, bright and happy future that lies ahead of you.

The statistics are inexorable: in Russia, every second family breaks up. This means that there are a lot of women who have gone through a divorce. If the marriage lasted a long time and was of great importance for a woman, parting is a great stress, sometimes experienced as a tragedy or grief.

Lovely ladies have different attitudes to the gap, but each of them goes through certain stages. This sequence is reminiscent of the experiences that people experience after the death of a loved one.

Experts assure that the rupture of relations is a kind of small “death”. What to do? We offer advice from a psychologist on how to survive a divorce from your husband.

The emotional state of a woman experiencing a break in relations with her husband goes through several phases. The time limits of these stages are very arbitrary, since divorce and previous family life proceed differently for everyone, and no one has canceled the psychological characteristics. That is why some stages are delayed or, on the contrary, accelerated.

Stage number 1. Shock state

Shock is the first and quite natural human reaction to a tragic event. The state of shock can last from 10-15 minutes to 2-3 months. The usual duration is about a week. At this time, the woman simply refuses to believe what is happening. For example, you learn about adultery, or a man says that he needs a divorce.

The main help comes from close people and friends. It is important to express your negative emotions by telling them about what happened. Even better - cry, a little hysteria. It will most likely get a little easier.

Stage 2. Depression and conscious suffering

This phase usually lasts 2 months and consists of mental turmoil, painful emotions. A woman feels the meaninglessness of her future life, there is a feeling of loneliness, fear of the new and helplessness. That is, a tangle of conflicting experiences arises:

a feeling of guilt that it was not possible to keep a man;
pain due to betrayal;
resentment against a spouse who preferred another;
bewilderment ("because I'm better").

How to survive a divorce with your husband? Just be aware of your emotions.

Try to deal with your feelings by looking at them from the side. Again, friends and relatives who are ready to listen will help in this. The main thing is not to keep painful experiences in yourself.

Having spoken out, it is worth remembering that people live nearby, who are also now having a hard time. For example, your child is undoubtedly having a hard time going through the divorce of his parents. It is important to reassure the children, to explain that they will meet with the father (if he and they need it, situations are different).

Stage number 3. Residual phenomena

This phase lasts at least 12 months. Grief gradually fades into the background, strong emotional upheavals are possible. For example, you accidentally meet your ex-husband, celebrate your first holiday alone.

Experiences do not let go also because common acquaintances, relatives, family affairs (raising a child) remind of a man. Of course, it’s hard to experience such reminders, but they build character and make it possible to adapt to new relationships.

Stage number 4. Completion

The final phase lasts approximately 1-2 years. At this time, a woman, remembering a divorce, no longer feels pain, but sadness or nostalgia. And this, you see, feelings of a completely different order.

Time is slowly beginning to justify the title of "doctor". A woman develops a habit of solving problems on her own and joy arises if she succeeds. Self-esteem rises, and by the end of the period you want to fall in love again.

The successful completion of all stages is evidenced by the ability of a woman to make plans for the future and implement them. Now she looks forward, having stopped looking back at the past, she realizes that her obsessions to return the relationship with her ex-spouse have passed. There is a desire to live, not to exist.

Of course, sooner or later time will heal, but the process of "therapy" can take several years and take too much effort. That is why psychologists recommend not postponing the fight against the problem that has arisen until tomorrow, but acting now. Here are 8 tips on how to get over your husband's betrayal and divorce.

No need to look for meetings with the departed man. No one argues that now he wants to tell him everything that has accumulated, to find out if he is bad without you or good. However, violent experiences will only lead to mutual insults, scandals, which will add a few more negative emotions to the piggy bank.
Try a change of scenery by starting small. For example, rearrange the furniture in the apartment or start making repairs (if finances allow). If you had to move in with relatives, do not delay with "accommodation" on the spot. The main thing here is to do something.
Depression is not treated with reckless fun, this is a common misconception. Therefore, there is no need to experience parting, rushing into the maelstrom of noisy parties. It seems to many women that daring fun will distract from painful feelings and unpleasant thoughts. Yes, you will be enough for a week or two, and then depression will come again.
We urgently need to take care of our own appearance. And not for the ex-spouse (they say, what a beauty he lost), but for himself, his beloved. Eating stress with buns and refusing to take care of yourself, it is worth remembering that later lost form it will be very difficult to recover. This means that negative emotions about the appeared sides and extra pounds. Your beauty will come in handy in search of another man!
Do not try to immediately return the departed spouse, try to wait a bit. If the obsessive desire to restore the marriage has not disappeared even after six months, try. How? This is a completely different story. It happens that the desire to glue a broken family disappears by itself. If this happened to you, then the divorce went only for good.
Thinking about how to quickly and easily survive a divorce, women immediately start a new romance. Psychologists say that such a hasty relationship is doomed to failure. You will subconsciously compare your current man with your former spouse, look for flaws in a new partner. Another breakup will make things worse.
Don't try to wash your grief away alcoholic drinks. Scientists point out that divorced women are at risk for alcoholism. In addition, alcohol only increases the depressive state, but does not cheer you up. In addition, imagine how much joy you, drunk and downcast, deliver to your rival.
It is extremely important to get rid of guilt. Many divorced women begin to blame themselves for the fact that the child or children will now grow up without a father. You should not consider yourself worse than you really are. Yes, now you are alone, but there is a high chance of meeting another man, and guilt will not help you raise a child normally.

“Situations are different” is a formulaic phrase, but it is very suitable in the event of a divorce. We all experience tragic situations in our own way, and our environment does not let us “get bored”. So, how can you survive a divorce if:

Have a baby. First of all, children should not be categorically set against the second parent. He is for you ex-husband, and for a daughter or son - a father. And there is no way to change this. A child should not make a difficult choice: mom or dad. Try to be wise and allow the father to date the child.
You are pregnant. Unfortunately, such cases are not at all rare. The task of a woman in this crucial period is to endure and safely give birth to a healthy baby. The departed husband and other troubles are secondary things compared to pregnancy. Do not forget that strong experiences in varying degrees are reflected in the unborn child.
Husband left after 20 (30) years of marriage. Continue to live! In 40 and even 50 years, life does not end. A person who firmly decides to be happy will become one. Probably, the meaning of life will be given by children and grandchildren. In addition, you have the opportunity to realize yourself in something that your hands “did not reach” before.

A common question: how to survive a difficult divorce from your husband, if you still love. Try all the above tips, and if you can’t forget and move on, you should contact a professional psychotherapist.

It is important to set a goal and go for it. After all, the experience of numerous representatives of the fair sex proves that life after divorce exists!

Hello, I'm Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully studied at SUSU as a special psychologist, she devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and advising parents on raising children. I apply the experience gained, among other things, in the creation of psychological articles. Of course, by no means do I pretend to be the ultimate truth, but I hope that my articles will help dear readers deal with any difficulties.