Sauerkraut (not my thing, but I laughed for half an hour). The history of sauerkraut The story of sauerkraut and a guy

I was visiting my mother-in-law and father-in-law. For three days I was fed and given water, but I was too embarrassed to go to the toilet. In the morning before the bus, my father-in-law pours me a hundred grams and gives me a snack - sauerkraut. Damn, he forced me to eat a whole bowl, saying that it’s very healthy and cleanses the body from a hangover. And when, they say, you come home, you will feel like a baby.

I started to seethe in my stomach already on the way to the bus station... I couldn’t stand it and slightly spoiled the air in my father-in-law’s car. The effect was so great that the mother-in-law in the back seat lost consciousness - I didn’t think she was that weak. And my father-in-law, I see, while driving, also began to gasp for air like a fish.

They stopped, pumped out my mother-in-law, she and her father-in-law looked at me with round eyes, I’m ashamed of the scribe. The father-in-law says, you are no longer in the car, don’t you dare fart, I can’t lose consciousness while driving. Do you understand, right?

We drive on, we remain silent, I endure with all my strength, so as not to go crazy, although the fucking cabbage clearly decided to cleanse my body, that is, I wanted to go to the toilet so much that I barely had time to squeeze my buns so as not to “be blown up by a mine.” Here I would like to visit the booth with the letters “Me” and “Jo”, but such bad luck - due to the fact that they brought my mother-in-law to consciousness, we arrived at the bus at the last moment.

I jumped into it, sat in the back seat, and there was a concrete burbulator in my stomach and I wanted to fart at the Shopis. Well, I thought that the bus was big, I would fart a little, maybe no one would notice, but it almost didn’t work out - I farted so much that I almost lost consciousness from the stench. The people on the bus began to look back. I’m sitting there trying to disguise myself, covering my nose with my fingers, saying it’s not me, but I feel myself blushing so much that there weren’t even beets lying around.

Here again, the next wave is coming, my stomach hurts sharply, I think I need to fart a little more or my intestines will burst, and as soon as I relaxed my buns and that’s it, I feel like the process has gone to my pants and I can’t stop. I caught myself thinking that this is not what my father-in-law meant when he said that you would feel like a baby? For the first time in my life I shit myself, and on a bus, and in the summer. There was such a gas attack on the bus that people shed tears, and then the driver shouted, guys, stop FUCKING, I can’t drive a bus in such a gas chamber!!!

Then the man shouts to the driver that there’s something going on on the bus, someone’s definitely taken a shit! I’m sitting all red now, like a cancer, I feel my imminent exposure, since that guy has already started walking around the cabin and sniffing out who is this saboteur on the bus using gas weapons against civilians? He comes up to me, looks and shouts that he found it, so he shit himself and points his finger at me. Pinned them right to the seat...

And what kind of people are we? Everyone turned around instantly, you have to look at the crap’s face, I’ve never been so ashamed in my life, the bus stopped, people couldn’t stop looking at me, the back door opened and I jumped off the bus with my head bowed, and when the first shock passed, I realized, that they dropped me off in the center of a large village, there were a lot of people around.

I immediately sat down so as not to burn myself and was thinking what to do next... I was sitting there, like tying my shoelaces, and I was thinking and looking around, where I could wash myself. I looked - the fence was dilapidated, probably old people lived there, I was like a sprinter over the fence and waved.

That hut was probably built during the reign of the Tsar, and there were trousers and a jacket hanging near the hut, I “cut them off” right as I ran, I ran to wash myself near the well, I rinsed my things there, but I couldn’t wash them. I found a checkered bag, threw all my things into it, and began to pull on my pants, if you remember the Soviet type “sweatpants” with the knees pulled down. And he threw the jacket over his naked body, since he also made his own shirt so that “Mom, don’t worry.” One can say about the jacket that ten people have obviously already died in it; I only saw such a style in pre-revolutionary films.

I looked at myself... By God the homeless look better! And then there are the short pants, the idiot was shot in short... I ran out of the yard and stood on the road, voting, maybe someone could give me a ride home. People look at me as if I’m mentally ill, which is understandable, my appearance is conducive to this, but I’m not crap, and that’s nice. When the man got on the Cossack, he took pity and gave him a ride home.

I stumbled home, and my wife had just come home from work when she looked at me and almost fainted from my outfit. He said that he fell into a puddle and had to change clothes. I quietly washed my things. She immediately called her mother-in-law and father-in-law, I don’t know if they guessed about my adventures, but they still haven’t treated me to cabbage.

How to feed your mother-in-law?

Women love to give orders! Don’t feed them bread, but let them send a man there, I don’t know where, to bring something, I don’t know what. And the sons-in-law find themselves in the most difficult situation. Mother-in-law, out of respect for her gray hair, cannot refuse. Moreover, the mother-in-law’s daughter, that is, the wife, will have an itching in her ear for a hundred years, remembering that you don’t respect her mother. By the way, about the bread. One mother-in-law somehow felt that even if she cracked it, she urgently needed bread. Just a catastrophe and a famine. And white, although there is still plenty of black in the bread bin.

It happened in a village where the whole family went to spend the summer in nature. There are eight houses in this village; you have to drive five kilometers to the store. Of course, in the mother-in-law’s opinion, it’s a piece of cake to drive ten kilometers for a white bun. It’s not she who pays for gasoline! And my son-in-law was just getting ready to go night fishing with his neighbor. I laid out the spinners, hooks, and sinkers on the table, I wanted to get ready. And here the mother-in-law stands behind and breathes down my neck. Well, the guy says to her:
- I’ll finish and leave. In about an hour.
The mother-in-law, of course, is offended that she didn’t rush straight away. She turned around and went to the bathhouse to wash and rinse and transfer the water that her son-in-law had brought.

Then a neighbor stopped by to chat about fishing. And the guy rolls up all the fishing needlework from the table and says:
“Then, first I’ll go to the store for white bread.”
And the neighbor answered him:
- Come on, I’ll give you a loaf now. When you go to the store, you’ll give it back. Come on, let’s take a look at my spinners...

The guy returned with a loaf of bread. Scratching his head:
- How can I explain where I got it?
If you say that you took it from a neighbor, your mother-in-law won’t eat it herself and won’t give it to others, she’ll say it’s a waste. He decided to heat up the bun. I sprinkled it with some water, put it on a baking sheet in the oven, on the smallest flame, it warms up a little. Then the mother crawled out of the bathhouse with the laundry. He sees that his son-in-law is not going to go. She pouted her lip. He mutters through his teeth:
- Let's go have lunch.
They sat down at the table, and then the son-in-law said:
- I baked you a loaf of bread! Why burn gasoline in vain...
And takes it out of the oven. And it is hot and fragrant. Just what you need. The wife and children eat and praise:
- How soft! Delicious bread!

The mother-in-law's face turned and twisted slightly. Sits, silent. Doesn't praise, but doesn't scold either. Well, okay. The son-in-law doesn't know either, but he works with a spoon.
The next day, the mother-in-law started rattling the baking sheets and asked her son-in-law:
— What kind of yeast did you use? Imported, or our pressed ones?

He was taken aback: “Did you really believe it?” He's an old man, he's lived his life. Well, it’s impossible to bake bread in half an hour. And the kitchen was clean, no spilled flour, no dirty dishes. And by the looks of it, the child can see that the loaf is store-bought. The son-in-law is no longer happy. But we need to somehow get out of the situation. I remembered that I saw in the refrigerator a pack of yeast that my father-in-law had saved for mash, and said:
— In the pack they are soft, like plasticine. They are in the refrigerator.

And the mother began to bake bread. It bothered me to see that some snotty kid had jumped ahead of her, the mistress of the house. I baked five loaves of bread and my teeth get stuck. Pale on top, burnt below. The son-in-law choked, but ate. Where to go? True, then his mother-in-law no longer sent him for bread. What if she doesn’t want to go again and bakes better buns than she does?

I was visiting my mother-in-law with my father-in-law, they fed and watered me for three days, but I was embarrassed to go to the toilet. In the morning before the bus, my father-in-law pours me a hundred grams and gives me a snack, sauerkraut, he made me eat a whole bowl, he says, They say it’s very useful, it cleanses the body from a hangover, and when you get home, you’ll feel like a baby. I started to seethe in my stomach already on the way to the bus station, I couldn’t stand it and farted a little in my father-in-law’s car, the stench was so strong that my mother-in-law in the back seat, in a half-fainting state, began to suffocate from the stuffiness and air diluted by me with the aromas of sauerkraut fermenting in my stomach! .. I didn’t think that she was so weak, my father-in-law was driving, he started gasping for air like a fish, they stopped, they pumped out the mother-in-law, she and her father-in-law look at me with round eyes, I’m ashamed of the scribe, the father-in-law says, you’re no longer in the car, don’t you dare fart, I There is no way to lose consciousness while driving. We drive on, we remain silent, I endure with all my strength, so as not to shit, although the fucking cabbage clearly decided to cleanse my body, I wanted to shit so much that I barely had time to squeeze my buns so as not to shit myself. Due to the fact that they were bringing my mother-in-law to consciousness, we arrived at the bus at the last moment, I jumped on the bus, sat in the back seat, and I want to fart, like a scribe, well, I thought that the bus was big, I’ll fart a little, maybe no one will notice, but it almost didn’t work out, he kicked so hard that he almost lost consciousness from the stench. The people on the bus began to look back, I was sitting there freezing, I covered my nose with my fingers, saying that it wasn’t I who completely lost my shit, but I felt myself blushing. Then again, the next wave is coming, my stomach hurt sharply, I think I need to fart a little more or my intestines will burst and As soon as I relaxed my buns and that’s it, I felt like I was shitting in my pants and I couldn’t stop. I caught myself thinking that this is not what my father-in-law meant when he said that you would feel like a baby, and a scribe, for the first time in your life you shit yourself, and on the bus, and even in the summer. Light-colored jeans, I can already smell them wet, such a stench I walked along the bus and people started to cry, then the driver shouted, guys, stop FUCKING, I can’t drive a bus in such a gas chamber!!! Then the man shouts to the driver that there’s someone on the bus who’s FUCKED!!! I’m sitting all red now, like a cancer, I feel my imminent exposure, since that guy has already started walking around the cabin and sniffing out who crap on the bus. He comes up to me, looks at me with round eyes and shouts that he found it, so he crap himself and points his finger at me. What kind of people are we? Everyone immediately turned around, you have to look at the crap’s face, I’ve never been so ashamed in my life, the bus stopped, people couldn’t stop looking at me, the back door opened and I jumped off the bus with my head bowed and when the first shock passed, I realized that they dropped me off in the center of a large village, there were a lot of people around, I ran and sat down so that it wouldn’t be visible that I had shit myself and I was thinking what to do next..... I was sitting, like tying my shoelaces, and I was looking around, where I could wash myself, I was looking at the fence dilapidated, probably old people live, I swung over the fence like a sprinter. The hut was probably still under construction under the Tsar, and there were pants and a jacket hanging near the hut, I ran to take them off, ran to wash myself near the well, rinsed my things there, but couldn’t wash them, I found a checkered bag, threw all my things in there, began to pull on my pants, If you remember the Soviet sweatpants with the knees pulled down and the jacket thrown over his naked body, since he also crap his shorts, obviously ten people had already died in the jacket, I only saw this style in pre-revolutionary films. I looked at myself, by God the homeless look better, their pants are also short, the idiot is shorter than a shot. I ran out of the yard and stood on the road, asking if someone could give me a ride home. People look at me as if I’m mentally ill, which is understandable, my appearance is conducive to this, but I’m not crap, and that’s nice. Then a man in a Zaporozhian stopped, took pity on him and gave him a ride home. I ran home, and my wife had just come home from work when she looked at me and almost fainted from my outfit. He said that he fell into a puddle and had to change clothes, and then washed his things quietly. So that my wife wouldn’t see.))) She immediately called my mother-in-law and father-in-law, I don’t know if they guessed about my adventures, but they still don’t treat me to cabbage.

Dear, favorite recipes! Which are not only delicious, but also reminiscent of cool moments in our lives! This is the kind of sauerkraut with apples we will prepare - simple, tasty and our way! I love my family and delicious food))) Sauerkraut from my father-in-law!

Weight of cabbage excluding stalks, let's prepare all the products and get started.

cabbage 2 pcs (4 kg)

carrots 6 pcs

apples 6-7 pcs

salt 4 tbsp (50 g)

Grate the carrots into thin strips.

Shred (cut) the cabbage thinly so that it is delicate and beautiful!

We collect everything in a large cup, it will be easier to mix. Add the prepared salt, knead lightly (lovingly) and mix. There is no need to press the cabbage too hard, otherwise it will remain crispy.

In a prepared container (ours is a 10-liter enamel bucket), place several handfuls of cabbage on the bottom. Then spread out the apples, sprinkle with cabbage and tamp tightly.

Take a suitable plate and place it on top of the cabbage. Place a weight on a plate (our option is several packs of salt). Cover the bucket with a towel and leave it in the kitchen for three to four days. At the same time, every day (preferably twice a day) open the bucket and pierce the cabbage to the very bottom.

The aroma is super, the taste is great! Eat this kind of cabbage and you won’t be able to stop! After three days, transfer the cabbage to a jar and put it in the refrigerator. The recipe is simple, we repeat it several times in the fall and winter! The apples turn out juicy, almost carbonated, that’s a different story! Delicious, simple and very healthy!

I was visiting my mother-in-law and father-in-law for three days

I was fed and watered, and went to the toilet

big, somehow embarrassed

go. In the morning before the bus, father-in-law

pours me a hundred grams and gives me a snack,

sauerkraut, made me

eat a whole bowl, he says,

very useful, the body is hungover

cleans when you get home,

you'll be like a baby

feel. Starting to churn in my stomach

already on the way to the bus station, no

resisted and farted a little in

my father-in-law's car, the stench was so bad that my mother-in-law

in the back seat, in a half-fainting state, I began to choke from the stuffiness and air diluted by me, with the aromas of sauerkraut fermenting in my stomach!...

I didn't think she was so weak

father-in-law was driving, he began to gasp for air

fish, stopped, pumped out the mother-in-law,

he and his father-in-law look at me round

eyes, I'm ashamed scribe, father-in-law

says you're in the car anymore, no

fart, I'll lose my mind

I endure so as not to screw up, although

the fucking cabbage body decided

clearly clear, shit

I wanted it so much that I could barely finish the rolls

squeeze so as not to crap. Because of,

that brought the mother-in-law to consciousness,

arrived at the last bus

moment, I jumped on the bus, sat on

back seat, but I want to fart, what

scribe, well, I thought it was a bus

big, I'll fart a little, maybe no one

and won't notice, but just a little bit

it turned out, I kicked so hard that the stench

I almost lost consciousness myself. People in

bus started looking back, I

I’m sitting here freezing, fingering my nose

closed it, saying it wasn’t I who completely screwed up, but myself

I feel flushed. Here again,

the next wave is coming, the stomach is sharp

I'm sick, I think I need a little more

fart or your guts are about to burst and

I just relaxed the rolls and that’s it,

I feel like I'm shitting in my pants and

I can’t stop anymore. Caught myself

on the thought that this is not what he meant

father-in-law when he said that you would

feel like a baby, yeah

scribe, shit himself for the first time in his life,

and even on the bus, and even

in the summer. Light jeans, I can already smell it

got wet, such a stench went through

bus, that people shed tears, here

the driver shouts, guys, stop it

FUCK, I'm in such a gas chamber

I can't drive the bus!!! Then man

shouts to the driver that he's on his way

on the bus, someone FUCKED!!! I am sitting

all red already like cancer, I feel it

my speedy exposure, since he

the man had already started walking around the salon and

to sniff out who crap on the bus.

Comes up to me, looks at me

with round eyes and shouts that they say

found it, now he's shit himself and is pointing at

me with your finger. What kind of people are we? All

turned around instantly, right?

look at the face of the crap, I

I have never been so ashamed in my life,

the bus stopped, people didn't

stops looking at me

the back door opens and I

I bow my head and jump out

bus and when the first shock wears off,

then I understand that they dropped me off at

in the center of a large village, a lot of people

around, I ran and sat down so as not to

it was clear that I had shit myself and I was thinking,

like tying my shoelaces, and

I look around for somewhere to wash,

I see the fence is probably shabby

old people live, I'm like a sprinter through

the fence waved. The hut is probably still there

was built by the king and hangs near the hut

pants and jacket, I took them off running,

I ran to wash myself near the well, my things

I rinsed mine there, but couldn’t wash it

I could, I found a checkered bag, everything went there

I took off my things and started to put them on

pants, if you remember sweatpants

Soviet ones with pulled knees and

I threw my jacket over my naked body because

he also crap his tennis shirt, in a jacket

Apparently ten people have already died, so

I only wear pre-revolutionary styles

I saw the films. I looked at myself, she

God bums look better, also

pants are short, idiot is short

shot down. I ran out of the yard and

will take you home on a ride. People on

looks at me like I'm mentally ill

patient, that’s understandable, external

the view is conducive to this, but not

crap and that's nice. There's a man here

stopped at Zaporozhets, took pity and went home

gave a ride. I run home, and my wife

I just got home from work when I looked

at me, a little faint from my

the outfit didn't fall off. He said that he was in a puddle

fell and had to change into a quiet guy

I washed my things later. So that the wife doesn’t see.))) She immediately contacts her mother-in-law

I called my father-in-law, I don’t know, they guessed

whether they are about my adventures, but

They still don’t treat me to cabbage.